All those awaiting review, tremble! This week's singles are discussed by the Eternal Kings Of Metal, MANOWAR! JOEY DeMAIO and ERIC ADAMS dispense justice. CHRIS WATTS looks nervous...
MIDDLEMEM “MobileHome” (AlterEgo)
A proficient if decidedly whimsy-whamsy debut aimed squarely at the Land Of The Very Sensible. Bet they're all in bed by midnight. Alone.
Joey: It’s the kind of music they play in elevators or dentists' surgeries. It’s music to relax you.
Eric: If it came on the radio, I’d be switching channels trying to find that AC/DC song. It’s okay.
TRUE METAL RATING: It has no rating. It is False Metal.
MEGADETH “Skin O' My Teeth” (Capitol)
Another big-budget single released in about as many 'exclusive' formats as you've picked your nose. This is meant to make you buy all of them and, thus, bump Mustaine into the Top 10. That’s up to you.
Joey: I’m sure no Megadeth fan would be disappointed with this. I don't think they've ever disappointed any of their fans.
Eric: I would personally like to hear more guitar in it. I particularly like the solo, though.
Joey: I think they've always been straightforward and honest. There's never been any bullshit with Megadeth. They're good at what they do.
TRUE METAL RATING: Seven. Definitely a thumbs-up.
TEMPLE OF THE DOG “Hunger Strike”(A&M)
Seminal Seattle mood-f**k which pre-dates the likes of Pearl Jam and Soundgarden. Eddie Vedder's vocals are as impeccable as ever and it’s re-released because the record company is a public charity... NOT!
Joey: Okay, it’s nice now that this whole Seattle thing is coming to a close in America. Personally, this is not Heavy Metal. To me, it’s more like Country & Western music. Personally, I would feel cheated if I walked into an arena expecting to get my nuts blown off and then get this! I don't get it. In terms of the kid going to an arena saying, 'Motherf**ker, I want Metal, so melt my face!, this isn't what they want.
It’s supposed to be the Intelligent Face of Metal.
Eric: If they want to be Intelligent Metal they'd have to be the original Metal band. Wagner was the first. So, this band would have to have an orchestral background. I don't hear an orchestra in there!
TRUE METAL RATING: No rating at all.
CARBONIZED “No Canonization” (Thrash)
Pissed-off Swedish Death Metal disciples, complete with European haircuts and bullet belts. The cover art features a skeleton with a halo and wings standing non-scarily in a graveyard full of mutilated Jelly Babies.
Joey: This is definitely a thumbs-up. I love this shit because these f**kers are nuts. They don't give a f**k about radio or any of that shit...
Eric: Can you see any other band getting up on stage after these guys?
TRUE METAL RATING: Nine.
ELECTRIC LOVE HOGS “Tribal Monkey” (London)
Still no sign of Atom Seed's album, then? You can pinch their artwork, as well as their sound, and ELH will still not be a half-way credible substitute. Currently supporting Ugly Kid Joe.
Joey: Again, I don't get it. I just heard one band playing 10 different styles on one record!
TRUE METAL RATING: One. Maybe zero.
W.A.S.P. “I am One”
Post-Donington tribute from Bluey and his assorted hairy henchmen. The photographs are funny.
Joey: I don't get it. But I did get it when he had all the blood and the meat and the strip girls on stage. I thought that was visually powerful. He was on the right track there. He's got talent and he's not a bum.
Eric: I’d rather hear a better produced live album. It doesn't really do him justice. To be honest, and no disrespect intended, but they look like they've been on the road a while!
TRUE METAL RATING: Four or five.
SINGLE OF THE WEEK!
AC/DC “Highway To Hell” (ATCO)
Live version of the ageless Metal anthem from the enduring pub rock ambassadors. The seven-inch is backed exclusively with “Hells Bells” and the single precedes one of the definitive live albums of all time. Absolutely not for proofs.
Joey: What can you say? This is a classic band who have done everything we've always admired. They started with a hardcore of fans that they've never f**ked around, and they've been rewarded with an incredible career. They are everything a band should be, and I wish these young f**ks would look up to a band like AC/DC and realise that you don't change your haircut every time the wind changes direction! This is everything that embodies true Heavy Metal.
Eric: You just can't deny that raw power. It brings you to where you want to go.
Joey: Basically, if you don't like AC/DC, then f**kin' die!
TRUE METAL RATING: 10. Absolutely faultless